17 April 2020

Zoom is big in Joel’s world. 


How’s the staycation?

Actually, I’ve been getting out and about quite a bit.


Where to?

I went mountain climbing in the Alps, for instance. I’ve spent a bit of time in Brooklyn, but not too long – I’m not an idiot. I attended one cage fight and this morning I nipped over to Samoa for a bit of time with the coconut palms.


You’ve been plundering the Zoom Virtual Backgrounds archive, haven’t you?

I have. To be honest, all the travel is getting a bit tiring, so I’ve moved on to the luxe lounge room backdrops. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m working out of a spare bedroom piled high with dusty gym equipment, towers of Rolling Stone magazines and boxes filled with 14 years’ worth of tax receipts. Which I’m totally not.


But today’s background isn’t fake, right? I can tell because your hair isn’t going weird at the edges.

Yes, that’s a real Zoom drawback, isn’t it? Much like the filter to enhance your looks, which is absolute rubbish. I mean, I’ve got a big honker whichever way you spin it, so a backdrop really has to work hard. Today’s is real, yes.


How come?

I’ve got a virtual Tinder date later with someone who’s a bit of an arty intellectual type, so I’ve rearranged my one book case to make myself appear windswept and interesting. What do you think?


Do I spy The Four Hour Work Week in there?

Oh yeah, thanks, I’d better lose that one for work calls. I don’t want the boss getting wind of the fact that I plan to come out of this period as the overlord of a new tech startup. I’ve registered the domain name and the trademark is pending: Zoot – specialising in virtual shirts and jackets for video conferencing.


Speaking of, are you making different wardrobe choices for all your Zoom activity?

Mostly just around pants. They’re not strictly necessary. I mean, they never have been in a work from home environment. Remember when telephone calls used to be a thing? Times have changed, but only from the waist up.


Any time in the schedule for virtual drinks?

Sure, 9am on the dot most days. I always put pants on for that. Some wag generally suggests a group hug, and that’s not a pants-free activity. It just isn’t.