22 March 2020

Dean is making the best of a bad situation.


What are you doing for fun?

My brother is quarantining with me. He’s a professional DJ but his decks are elsewhere, so he’s been improvising at the stove top. He puts on his skinny jeans, cranks up the stereo and spins the gas rings like turntables. The flames add a nice bit of drama. I’m working on some neat dance moves.


Oh, is there a quarantine boogie emerging?

Yep: elbows out like a chicken, karate kicks into the 1.5 metre gap between you and your partner. It’s ungainly, but it’s safe.


How are you off for money?

I’m really grateful for the still I set up in the shed last year. We’re doing a tidy line in black market hand sanitiser.


What else are you doing differently?

I decided to finally open The Little Aussie Directory that’s been coming in the mail for years. Why is it a thing, do you know?


Couldn’t say. No memo about the internet, maybe? How’s your online socialising going?

I’ve had to shut down social media. You know what’s scarier than the virus? People who think it’s a government conspiracy or a media beatup. Also, I can’t look at another toilet paper meme. We’re out, by the way.


Amazon is shipping the stuff with Donald Trump’s face on it. It’s $75 bucks a roll but… 

Totally worth it. I’m on it.