1 May 2020

Doug is ready, yet not quite ready.


So, did you download the app?

Sure, seems like everyone’s doing it.


Any reservations about it?

No. I realise I’m a bit of a late adopter, but I’m enjoying it.


What do you like about it?

Connecting with strangers. Using fancy words like ‘geolocation’. And those Lightning Rounds really keep me on my toes – go the blue team!


Ah, I think you’ve downloaded Words with Friends.

Like I say, everyone’s doing it.


What about the Covid Safe app?

Oh, I downloaded that too – a bit reluctantly.


Privacy concerns?

No, I’m just not ready.


How so?

Well, the more of us that download it the sooner we can all go to the pub, right? I haven’t even started my first jigsaw puzzle yet, let alone learned to play the saxophone. If restrictions get lifted too soon, how will I ever complete my first album, Songs from the Bathtub? The pub can wait.


So how have you been passing your time?

Well, nobody has tagged me in the 10 albums challenge on Facebook, or the Books that Changed my Life challenge, or any kind of online bake-off or Zoom-based quiz night. Talk about isolated in isolation! So I’m basically left with phone-based Scrabble and a bit of brain plasticity training.


How does that work?

I’m challenging myself to make things happen by sheer force of will.


Such as?

When listening to the radio I’ll focus hard on something – like the phrase ‘social distancing,’ for example. I’ll silently will it to be uttered by somebody within a 30 second period. I’ve been bowled over by how often it works.


The powers of manifestation, you reckon?

Yes. I’ve melted the occasional ice block using this method, too. It’s not as fast, but you get there in the end.


So why you haven’t started your first jigsaw puzzle, again?

Shut up. I’m still processing, all right?